The End.

So, we lost. We all lost. I can see this, but all I see around me are people desperately trying to find positives, of which there are many, rather than admit that we lost and that we now face five more years of cruel Tory imposed poverty and cuts to vital public services.

For me, this is the end of the line. The very end of the line. I have suffered for decades with mental health issues, arising from abuse in childhood and repeatedly been misdiagnosed and as a result mistreated. This has recently been acknowledged and they’ve told me to get off the medication that I’ve been pumped with for years as it isn’t doing me any good. Well fucking Duh! I’ve been telling you that for years and you’ve been denying me the psychiatric help that you now, finally, admit I need.

So, it looked like I’d fallen onto the right track, after decades of begging for the right help.

Then the general election happened. The Tories won and the National Health Service, mental health services in particular, will be facing yet more cuts. I am fucked.

After living a reasonably normal life, by most of society’s standards, you know, having a home, luckily having a well paid job. Relationships, children. I find myself alone, with severe depression and anxiety in the third hostel environment and seventh sleeping environment, uncluding homelessness / rough sleeping, since near the end of April. No support, other than the “nothing has changed yet, hang in there…” updates from the mental health crisis team.

And remember. The Tories won. Five more years of this shit and worse. I need help and it is scarce as it is, before the Tories and DUP got their power, back in the case of the Tories. Things are going to regress. Things are going to get worse.

I cannot take this any longer. Hope is lost. Eternal darkness is the preferred destination.

Let this be a legacy of the state of this country. Of the depserate need for change. It might come in what would have been my lifetime, but my observations of society in recent years suggests that is still a long way off yet. Way too late for me. The pain has to stop now.

I wish I could say that it’s been a blast. However, it has been a horribly painful existence with very few happy periods. I welcome eternal peace, free from pain, free from cruelty.


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