The End.

So, we lost. We all lost. I can see this, but all I see around me are people desperately trying to find positives, of which there are many, rather than admit that we lost and that we now face five more years of cruel Tory imposed poverty and cuts to vital public services.

For me, this is the end of the line. The very end of the line. I have suffered for decades with mental health issues, arising from abuse in childhood and repeatedly been misdiagnosed and as a result mistreated. This has recently been acknowledged and they’ve told me to get off the medication that I’ve been pumped with for years as it isn’t doing me any good. Well fucking Duh! I’ve been telling you that for years and you’ve been denying me the psychiatric help that you now, finally, admit I need.

So, it looked like I’d fallen onto the right track, after decades of begging for the right help.

Then the general election happened. The Tories won and the National Health Service, mental health services in particular, will be facing yet more cuts. I am fucked.

After living a reasonably normal life, by most of society’s standards, you know, having a home, luckily having a well paid job. Relationships, children. I find myself alone, with severe depression and anxiety in the third hostel environment and seventh sleeping environment, uncluding homelessness / rough sleeping, since near the end of April. No support, other than the “nothing has changed yet, hang in there…” updates from the mental health crisis team.

And remember. The Tories won. Five more years of this shit and worse. I need help and it is scarce as it is, before the Tories and DUP got their power, back in the case of the Tories. Things are going to regress. Things are going to get worse.

I cannot take this any longer. Hope is lost. Eternal darkness is the preferred destination.

Let this be a legacy of the state of this country. Of the depserate need for change. It might come in what would have been my lifetime, but my observations of society in recent years suggests that is still a long way off yet. Way too late for me. The pain has to stop now.

I wish I could say that it’s been a blast. However, it has been a horribly painful existence with very few happy periods. I welcome eternal peace, free from pain, free from cruelty.


Thank you, it has been a blast

Thank you, it has been a blast

It’s less than half an hour to go until the polls close on the 2017 UK General Election, as I begin to write this piece.

I am exhausted. Feel deflated. The tank’s empty and I’ve been running on fumes for some time. I get the feeling that there are plenty of others who are experiencing the same thing as I, all over the country. People have mustered their all to do what they can to bring about positive change in this country, by getting the Jeremy Corbyn led Labour party into government. Many of these people had precious little to give. Financially, mentally, physically and in spirit, we are already at the harsh end of Tory Britain and debilitated by the harsh conditions that we are made to exist in. We’ve dragged ourselves up and screamed in every way we can. Online activism has gone through the roof. Volunteers out door knocking in numbers not seen for years.

It’s not just us who are fighting for our very existence who have been promoting the Labour cause. People with no other reason to connect with politics have become engaged and have learned the truth about how our society and economy is operating. They’re not happy with what they finding out. So many people have woken up in recent years, to how tightly controlled our lives are by a very select few, to our detriment and their financial advantage. People are getting angry.

The question is, are there enough people in this country who have actually woken up? How many are still in the semi-conscious state that our mainstream media have carefully held us in for decades? Are we ready to see the real world, as a populace?

These questions will be answered over the coming hours. Anxiety and uncertainty is at dangerous levels, both for individuals and whole demographics in this country. We can only wait.

My own experience of this campaign has been hugely significant in my life. Some will have read about my own hellish journey through mental health and emergency housing services, both in Labour Bristol and Tory Wiltshire. On the flipside to this, which has been circumstantial and only coincidental to the politics of the time, I have also seen a side of humanity that I thought was becoming extinct.

I started making use of my long dormant twitter account again, in early February 2017. If memory serves correctly, I had around 70-80 followers and had tweeted a few hundred times, maybe. As I write this, those figure have risen to over 3,100 and over 32,000 respectively. The growth has been purely organic, no attempts to buy or use apps or follow groups and hashtags to artificially grow. Connections with genuine, decent people have been plenty and I’ve seen genuine concern and thoughtfulness from like-minded people. When I first became homeless and before I was getting benefits, I received a total of £500 from online donations. This enabled me to eat and keep my phone going, for the all important mental health crisis team and benefits related calls that needed to be made and received. For a few days, while in Wiltshire, it enabled me to eat and also got me the train fare back from Chippenham to Bristol when Tory Wiltshire County Council sent me packing, mental health issues and all.

I’ve seen people devote themselves to promoting the Labour cause in highly innovative, creative and passionate ways. People have shone online in their determination to get the truth out there. To educate people. Then we see the huge crowd that are attending the Labour and Jeremy Corbyn rallies around the country. It is breathtaking. The efforts of volunteers in all areas of the campaign has been inspirational and the learn on the job, campaign work performed by the various Momentum groups has been heartening, to say the least.

People power has brought people together and I hope that those connections endure whatever is to come. We have become a family of sorts. Let’s keep it that way. We could well be needing it. Thank you people. Thank you the whole Labour team, supporters, friends. You have all been amazing! I have been inspired and utterly blown away by you people. My faith in humanity has gone up a few notches, even as times have become darker.

I can’t even bring myself to do any more than wish us all luck. Let’s hope for the result that we’ve all worked to very hard for.

It’s a hostel life for us

You may have been following this blog and read the path that has led me here. If not, you can start from the very beginning, here.

If this is a next installment for you, then where were we? Ah yes, right here, where I am now. In a Salvation Hostel “crash pad”,  where I have been since 26th April.

How is that going?

Well, firstly I have to give credit to the staff who, on the whole, have been brilliant within and in some cases beyond their restrictions. My fellow residents are a very eclectic bunch. I see some people who I think should really be in a nursing home. A couple of frail old men, who really shouldn’t be here. Then there’s just a big old mix of the aftermath of various forms of substance abuse. Among them are numerous of those who are on their way to aftermath, developing or having already acquired crack, smack and spice habits. There’s like a little micro-economy to be observed, where each knows each other’s benefits payment day. I’m learning it quite easily. A given person’s benefits payment day is usually the day they first disappear for two or three days. I’m learning the ways, always learning.

A big hindrance at the moment is the aforementioned crash pad situation. A crash pad is a very temporary-term accommodation, here at the hostel. I’m not formally booked in as a resident, but am being given emergency accommodation. While I’m in this state of limbo, I don’t get assigned a support worker, so there is little that any of the staff can formally do for me. So far, I have had to try to navigate the benefits process unaided. Although I’m of a working background usually requiring a decent intelligence, my current state makes this a hugely daunting and confusing task. I have to give credit where it is due – and I’m amazed I can say this – but the guy I dealt with at the DWP to initiate the claim was just superb. He navigated me through the system for just over an hour and all I’ve had to do was get sick notes, showing my current severely depressed state.

I have also been well looked after by the Central Bristol Mental Health Crisis team. They’ve been very supportive in numerous ways, a little more on that in a bit. A piece of good news is that my mental health concerns are getting a bit of a fast tracking, at long last. Hopefully there is light at the end of this, so far, 30 year long tunnel.  I’ve had an assessment already. They’ve given their view which actually does mirror how I feel, how life has been. I have some faith that I am finally on the right path to recovery or at least good management of it all. I’m finally on the path to getting some long term talking therapy and they’re looking to phase me off the medication path that I’ve been on, on and off, for 15 or so of the last 25 years.

Housing is the concern at the moment. Being at the hostel isn’t helping with my already highly anxious state. It’s not exactly a calm environment most of the time. I’m also a bit “frightened of my own shadow” at the moment, so leaving the room is a challenge that I tend to try to set for when I know there is least corridor traffic. It’s as much about me as it is about my perception of them. On the whole the others here are downtrodden blokes with all hope sucked out of them. Some are in desperate positions, health wise, money wise, street wise. I’ve not seen any physical violence as yet and the only death since I’ve been here was a heart failure. But it feels volatile. I’ve seen the magnifying effects of a bit of excitement, positive or negative, soon builds an exponential pressure around it, taking everyone before it as fuel until everybody is part of an inferno. It isn’t a pleasant experience, but was quite an insight into another life. It isn’t all totally negative and hostile though. There’s times that I can clearly feel the unspoken “it’s tough going, isn’t it?” that seems to telepathically pass between me and random people I see about the place.

I’m looking to get out of this environment as soon as possible, for obvious reasons. The plan, as it stands, will be to try to move to Wiltshire, to be nearer to my brother. He’s been a genuine rock in recent weeks and is the base of a sizable support network that can be available to me. Moving out of the city is also likely to have a positive effect on me, in the longer term. I found this when I lived out of the city, in Thornbury.

So, I’m currently waiting to hear from the Mental Health Recovery Team, to learn what the long term plan is going to be for my support and therapy. I have been quite impressed with the mental health services, now that it has gotten to this stage. It would have been better, especially for me and those affected by my mental health, if this level of care and support had been available to me at any point when I have pleaded and begged for it. Rant over, I am acutely aware of the strains and limitations that they are under. Government cuts on health and social care have almost destroyed these vital services.

It looks like my benefit claim is now under way, so that is a relief. I’ll be able to eat. That has been a major part of the last few days. Let me expand on that a little. I spoke with my key / support worker and said that the emergency money I had been issued by Bristol City Council was going to run out or expire very soon. He went off and sorted something out and said he would come round to see me the following day.

Welcome to the foodbank

The crisis team guy came around in the middle of the afternoon to take me to a foodbank. Obviously, if you follow me on twitter, I am all too aware of the existence of foodbanks, I protest a bit against the reasons for their existence, to say the least.

This protesting is quite different to the realities of actually having to use one. I found it to be a breathtaking experience. The physical feelings that hit me during this experience took about a day and a half to wear off. The gut wrenching, chest tightening shame, sadness and indignity of what life is like right now.

So the guy from the crisis team takes me for a drive. We pull up near a pub I have sat outside of, having summer beers in happier times. Just past that I start seeing the foodbank vans coming and going. I am led into the hall, as in functions hall, into a sombre, almost morbidly hushed atmosphere. It felt sad and as the lovely little old ladies flitted around getting me a hot drink and some biscuits, it hit me, hard. It has come to this. I am about to be given food as a charitable hand out, in order to stop me starving. In a fairly major city, in the United Kingdom, in 2017, this is happening to me.

My stomach churned, my heart sank and I swear it tried its best to be swallowed up by my churning gut. The crisis team guy did pick up on this, knew what was going through my head and all he could really do was acknowledge it with me. It must be hard for these people, seeing this every shift, wanting to do more but not being able to, due to cuts and lack of resource from above. Fair play, he just made sure that I knew he was there with and for me and just silently acknowledged that yes, this was happening and NO, this was not right.

My eyes were welling up, my spirit felt broken. I glanced over at another guy who was there, on his own, but clearly going through the same emotions as me. I wanted to nod, to acknowledge that I felt his pain, but we were probably both too close to cracking point by then, that we both held firm in avoiding eye contact. It was a sad moment and one that I will hope to forget, in time.

I filled two and a half carrier bags with food. They’d picked tins that had ring pulls to get around my lack of tin opener and ensured that everything was microwaveable if it needed cooking. They didn’t hover around me, but were there as soon as they could see a question forming. Proper lovable old ladies wanting to do their bit to help those who need it. They know the indignity that people are going through. They are good at respecting that and not poking it further. I appreciated it.

We came back to the hostel and he brought me around through the staff entrance, so I didn’t have to walk past everybody with my carrier bags. There’s a couple of reasons for this. One it doesn’t pay to be seen as recently fortunate, or being in possession of stuff. Also, I just didn’t need the indignity of it. Eye contact is hard enough for me around here as it is.

So, as the days go by I’m hoping that I may be moved into something a little more permanent, so I qualify for the support that I really think I need in navigating the housing process. Just waiting on whatever, a decision, a vacancy, I don’t know.

I’ve been lucky not to have run out of money, by the generosity of social media users who have gifted donations to help me, while benefits are being sorted. This enabled me to buy food and other essentials. I’ve even got somebody sending me a hair/face grooming kit, so I can have a proper shave and sort my unruly hair out. Going to need to do-it-myself for a while, I think, to keep costs down. I’ll update on this when it arrives. A lovely gesture from a nice human being. There are more about than the news would have us think, it seems.

So, the anxiety is pretty high, but I can lock myself away in my small room and distract myself by ranting on about the state of the country, on twitter. I’d be lost without it at the moment, to be fair. Gotta have a focus and my political rants and raves give me that.

Hoping to get something moving soon on the housing side of things. Everything else appears to be ticking along as well as I could hope at this stage of things. For somebody who worked with large IT networks for a living, life seems to have become very complicated and confusing, all of a sudden. It’s a whole new world to me and I’m only taking it in at a blur.

So, in a nutshell. I’m safe, but not really appropriately accommodated for somebody in my condition. I accept that this is the way it is and am just grateful to be indoors, safe.

I’ll update further as and when things happen and turn up.

Thanks for your support. Much love.

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Is that a light up ahead?

The Tories Are Not Altruists: If They Want Corbyn Gone It’s Because He’s A Threat.

The Tories are always saying they wish Labour would get shot of Corbyn because he makes for a weak opposition. Apparently Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson said as much on BBC Question Time last night.

Well frankly that’s a load of old bo***cks! The Tories have never been known for their altruism. If they want Corbyn gone, it’s because they see him as a threat in some way.

Yes Labour are polling badly, which should reassure the Tories, except they can’t shake off the discomfiting memory of those pre-coup polls when Labour were nipping at their heels.

READ MORE at the Source: The Tories Are Not Altruists: If They Want Corbyn Gone It’s Because He’s A Threat.

Open Letter To The Bitterite PLP Plotters From An Exasperated, Angry Labour Member


If you spend much more time whispering in darkened corners, you’ll end up looking like Gollum from Lord of the rings. You already sound like him. ‘It’s our precious…..those sneaky members can’t have it.’

Read the full article below.

Source: Open Letter To The Bitterite PLP Plotters From An Exasperated, Angry Labour Member

The money that ensures Corbyn appears unelectable

For some time now, there has been a massive campaign to make Jeremy Corbyn appear to be an unelectable Labour party leader. Contributing to this are the mainstream media’s biased reporting in a bid to stamp out any kind of socialist support. Socialism isn’t a good political model for global capitalists looking to make vast sums of money and avoid paying tax on their profits through various means. There is another major contribution to the campaign against Labour’s twice democratically elected party Leader that is even more sinister and comes from within the Party. I have provided plentiful links to news articles and statements, to allow you to decide for yourself. All I have done is join the dots to try to expose what has really happened in recent times. I advise reading the article, then follow the links if you want further information.

During Tony Blair‘s tenure as party leader and Prime Minister of the UK, the Progress organisation was created. Progress are a political movement who claim to be an independent organisation and pretty much a party within the party, intent on creating neoliberal, nigh on right-wing New Labour supporters. They attempt to steer Labour along the Tory-like neoliberalist, capitalist benefiting lines which lost the trust and votes of millions of Labour supporters in previous years. They are keen to drop the New Labour brand, to distance themselves from that loss of public support. The New Labour mentality still remains, ensuring that beneath the party of the people image of Labour still lurks a party for the Establishment. Margaret Thatcher famously stated that Tony Blair and New Labour were one of her proudest achievements.

Much of the work of Progress has involved Labour MPs publicly criticising and / or failing to back the leader’s agenda and policies. Resignations from the shadow cabinet have been timed to cause damage to the party and in particular Jeremy Corbyn’s image as a leader, in the lead up to by-elections and during key parliament voting sessions. The Labour party has a complicated structure and Progress-aligned Labour MPs hold key positions within that structure. A major critic and opponent of Corbyn, Iain McNicol, is ensuring that Jeremy Corbyn is ill supported by the party in terms of resources by underfunding the leader’s team by 50% in comparison to former leader Ed Miliband.

There is a really sinister motivation to this wholly treacherous campaign against the founding democratic socialist principles of the Labour party which is distinctly Zionist in nature and has significant financial backing. This has come from Lord Sainsbury, of the Sainsbury’s supermarket empire, who has also funded the Liberal Democrats, which surely must be a conflict of interests that should see his expulsion from the Labour party. He has bankrolled the Progress organisation to the tune of millions, over a long period of time. It is very much worth examining Progress’s funding stream, which also includes Venture Capitalist and Private Equity interests and American organisations including pharmaceutical giant Pfizer.

The Labour party, during Corbyn’s tenure, has been embroiled in various anti-semitism smears which have clearly been orchestrated by ‘bad-actors’ with intent on damaging the Labour party. Corbyn himself launched an investigation into the allegations and swiftly implemented recommendations from its findings. At the time of the allegations, many spoke out against the slurs and the motivations behind them. Damning reports of the campaign, implicating the  Labour Friends of Israel group and Israel itself. Clear distinctions needed to be made between anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, which are clearly very different, in an effort to educate and highlight what was actually going on.

All of this motivation has seen constant attacks on democracy and a concerted effort to stop the paying membership of the Labour party from selecting candidates that reflect the majority view. The Labour party, once a credible alternative to the Conservatives and rampant capitalism, has been bought by Zionist and capitalist interests. It has been transformed into a party that pretty much supports and perpetuates Tory policy which leaves society with no real choice of government policy. The campaigns against Corbyn and the left-leaning, socialist members of Labour are stopping true democracy and the betterment of society and the economy, [pdf] for the benefit of the vast majority of the population, instead favouring the Establishment.

The UK has long been criticised for its arms deals with Israel who have used them to bomb and slaughter Palestinians and Jeremy Corbyn has been a long time opponent to these deals and to the whole conflict in general. I’m not going to attempt to go into the causes of the conflict, but I do feel that bombing people is just plain wrong.

So, in a nutshell, the Progress and Socialist/left arguments are quite simply an extension of the conflict going on in Israel. Israelis have infiltrated UK politics for their own political gains and are using our parties in their arguments. All while the people of Britain suffer at the hands of Tory austerity, which is quite unnecessary in any case. That, however, is an altogether different subject for debate.

There is a rising in opinion that Progress, Iain McNicol, Keith Vaz (NEC council) and several Blairite elements within the Labour party need to be removed, in order to allow democracy to return to the party and for it to return to its founding principles. I completely agree with this and think it is disgusting that the party of the people has been subverted to favour tax avoiding corporations and the very wealthy to benefit when poverty and equality is crippling society. Things need to change for the good of the people.

This post was written to bring together online evidence of the corruption of UK politics by outside parties. The UK mainstream media are not joining the dots and the Conservative party don’t seem enthusiastic about highlighting it, either. This is despite Jeremy Corbyn writing to the Prime Minister, Theresa May, on the subject.

Malcontent Labour MPs Expose Their True Fears – Corbyn Might Win!

Concise analysis of the “soft-coup” being attempted by the Blairite, “Progress” element of the Labour party. Glad somebody has put into words. I’ll likely put together a similar, more in depth, piece that will provide more detail on the financial backing of these treacherous, self-serving career politicians.

Source: Malcontent Labour MPs Expose Their True Fears – Corbyn Might Win!